The Caregiver

As an ESFJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit in with your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion.

ESFJs are people persons - they love people. They are warmly interested in others. They use their Sensing and Judging characteristics to gather specific, detailed information about others, and turn this information into supportive judgements. They want to like people, and have a special skill at bringing out the best in others. They are extremely good at reading others, and understanding their point of view. The ESFJ's strong desire to be liked and for everything to be pleasant makes them highly supportive of others. People like to be around ESFJs, because the ESFJ has a special gift of invariably making people feel good about themselves.

The ESFJ takes their responsibilities very seriously, and is very dependable. They value security and stability, and have a strong focus on the details of life. They see before others do what needs to be done, and do whatever it takes to make sure that it gets done. They enjoy these types of tasks, and are extremely good at them.

ESFJs are warm and energetic. They need approval from others to feel good about themselves. They are hurt by indifference and don't understand unkindness. They are very giving people, who get a lot of their personal satisfaction from the happiness of others. They want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give. They're very sensitive to others, and freely give practical care. ESFJs are such caring individuals, that they sometimes have a hard time seeing or accepting a difficult truth about someone they care about.

With Extraverted Feeling dominating their personality, ESFJs are focused on reading other people. They have a strong need to be liked, and to be in control. They are extremely good at reading others, and often change their own manner to be more pleasing to whoever they're with at the moment.

The ESFJ's value system is defined externally. They usually have very well-formed ideas about the way things should be, and are not shy about expressing these opinions. However, they weigh their values and morals against the world around them, rather than against an internal value system. They may have a strong moral code, but it is defined by the community that they live in, rather than by any strongly felt internal values.

ESFJs who have had the benefit of being raised and surrounded by a strong value system that is ethical and centered around genuine goodness will most likely be the kindest, most generous souls who will gladly give you the shirt off of their back without a second thought. For these individuals, the selfless quality of their personality type is genuine and pure. ESFJs who have not had the advantage of developing their own values by weighing them against a good external value system may develop very questionable values. In such cases, the ESFJ most often genuinely believes in the integrity of their skewed value system. They have no internal understanding of values to set them straight. In weighing their values against our society, they find plenty of support for whatever moral transgression they wish to justify. This type of ESFJ is a dangerous person indeed. Extraverted Feeling drives them to control and manipulate, and their lack of Intuition prevents them from seeing the big picture. They're usually quite popular and good with people, and good at manipulating them. Unlike their ENFJ cousin, they don't have Intuition to help them understand the real consequences of their actions. They are driven to manipulate other to achieve their own ends, yet they believe that they are following a solid moral code of conduct.

All ESFJs have a natural tendency to want to control their environment. Their dominant function demands structure and organization, and seeks closure. ESFJs are most comfortable with structured environments. They're not likely to enjoy having to do things which involve abstract, theoretical concepts, or impersonal analysis. They do enjoy creating order and structure, and are very good at tasks which require these kinds of skills. ESFJs should be careful about controling people in their lives who do not wish to be controlled.

ESFJs respect and believe in the laws and rules of authority, and believe that others should do so as well. They're traditional, and prefer to do things in the established way, rather than venturing into unchartered territory. Their need for security drives their ready acceptance and adherence to the policies of the established system. This tendency may cause them to sometimes blindly accept rules without questioning or understanding them.

An ESFJ who has developed in a less than ideal way may be prone to being quite insecure, and focus all of their attention on pleasing others. He or she might also be very controling, or overly sensitive, imagining bad intentions when there weren't any.

ESFJs incorporate many of the traits that are associated with women in our society. However, male ESFJs will usually not appear feminine at all. On the contrary, ESFJs are typically quite conscious about gender roles and will be most comfortable playing a role that suits their gender in our society. Male ESFJs will be quite masculine (albeit sensitive when you get to know them), and female ESFJs will be very feminine.

ESFJs at their best are warm, sympathetic, helpful, cooperative, tactful, down-to-earth, practical, thorough, consistent, organized, enthusiastic, and energetic. They enjoy tradition and security, and will seek stable lives that are rich in contact with friends and family.

ESFJs are warm-hearted individuals who highly value their close personal relationships. They are very service-oriented, and their own happiness is closely tied into the happiness and comfort of those around them. They are valued for their genuine warm and caring natures, and their special ability to bring out the best in others. They usually do not handle conflict well, and may tend to be very controlling or manipulative. Relationships are central to their lives, and they put forth a great amount of energy into developing and maintaining their close interpersonal relationships. They expect the same from others.

ESFJ Strengths

• Put forth a lot of effort to fulfill their duties and obligations
• Warm, friendly and affirming by nature
• Service-oriented, they want to please others
• Take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships
• Responsible and practical, they can be counted to take care of day-to-day necessities
• Generally upbeat and popular, people are drawn towards them
• Generally very good money managers
• Traditionally minded and family-oriented, they will make family celebrations and traditions special events

ESFJ Weaknesses

• Generally uncomfortable with change, and moving into new territories
• Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism
• Need a lot of positive affirmation to feel good about themselves
• May be overly status-conscious, and interested in how others see them
• Have very difficult time accepting the end of a relationship, and are likely to take the blame for the failure onto their own shoulders
• Have difficulty accepting negative things about people close to them
• Don't pay enough attention to their own needs, and may be self-sacrificing
• May tend to use guilt manipulation as a way to get what they want

ESFJs as Lovers

"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May

ESFJs are warmly caring people who give their intimate relationships a lot of special care and attention. They're usually traditional and take their commitments very seriously. Once the ESFJ has said "I do", you can bet that they will put forth every effort to fulfill their obligations to the relationship.

ESFJs want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give to others. This need of theirs is sometimes intensified to the point where they are very emotionally needy, and constantly "go fishing" for affirmation if it is not freely given. ESFJs typically cannot stand conflict or criticism. They take any sort of criticism as a general indictment of their character. This is a potential pitfall for ESFJs to be aware of. In the face of negative feedback, or the absence of positive affirmation, ESFJ may become very depressed and down on themselves. Appreciation is the greatest gift that their mates can give them.

ESFJs have a tendency to be very conscious of social status and "what other people think". They should take care not to let this interfere with their close relationships.

Sexually, ESFJs are warm and loving, and welcome intimacy as an opportunity to express their affections, and receive their partners gifts of love. Many ESFJs have a tendency to be highly scheduled and traditional in their sexual habits, but this is almost always overcome by increasing their education and awareness of options. ESFJs are very service-oriented and will place a lot of importance on making their partners happy.

Being highly practical, the ESFJ is excellent in matters regarding home management. They're likely to be very responsible about taking care of day-to-day needs, and to be careful and cautious about money matters. They are interested in security and peaceful living, and are willing and able to do their part towards acheiving these goals for themselves, their mates, and their families.

Most ESFJs have a strong need to "belong" - whether it be to institutions or traditions, or family units. This need usually causes them to be quite social creatures, who enjoy attending parties, as well as throwing their own. They're likely to strongly desire that their mates share in their social experiences.

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ESFJ's natural partner is the ISFP, or the INFP. ESFJ's dominant function of Extraverted Feeling is best matched with someone whose dominant function is Introverted Feeling. The ESFJ/ISFP combination is ideal because is shares the common Sensing way of perceiving the world, but the ESFJ/INFP combination is also very good. How did we arrive at this?

ESFJs as Parents

"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth...
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran

As parents, ESFJs are extremely committed to their roles and duties, and contain and freely express a great deal of love and affection for their children. They expect their children to honor, respect and obey their parents, and do not tolerate well any deviance from this rule of behavior. Their Feeling preference makes it difficult for them to punish or discipline their children. If they have not worked on overcoming this issue, they may tend to punish their children in less obvious ways, such as using guilt manipulation. This is a potential pitfall for the ESFJ to overcome. It is generally more effective and more healthy to directly issue punishment when called for.

The ESFJ is very service-oriented and concerned with the comfort and happiness of those around them. Consequently, their children are likely to have their practical needs taken care of very efficiently and responsibly. Their ESFJ parents will create structured environments for the children, where their boundaries will be well-defined and known.

The ESFJ's tendency to be controlling, combined with their emphasis on tradition and security, makes it likely that they will be at least somewhat strict and controlling of their children. However, they will also be their children's strongest, loudest advocate. Children of ESFJ parents are likely to rebel from their authority at some point, which will cause a stressful time for both parent and child. In this case, the ESFJ natural tendency is to make their children feel guilty about their behavior. Depending on the extent of the guilt manipulation, this may cause serious damage to the relationship.

Most ESFJs are remembered fondly by their children for their genuine love and affection, and for the well-defined structure and guidelines they created for their children.

ESFJs as Friends

Although the ESFJ usually puts their family in front of their friends, they do place a lot of importance on their close friendships, and feel tremendous loyalty towards their friends. Since they feel tremendous pressure in their lives to constantly "do their duty", they may sometimes turn their friendships into another task or responsibility. Usually, however, they get a lot of enjoyment from their friendships, and give back a lot of affirming warmth.

There are a couple of ESFJ tendencies which may cause problems with their casual and intimate friendships: 1) they don't give things freely - they expect something in return, and 2) they have a difficult time believing anything bad about someone close to them.

ESFJs are valued by others for their genuine interest in people, and for their warmth and kind-heartedness. They have a special skill at seeing the best in others, and making people feel good about themselves. As such, they usually have a relatively large number of very close friends, usually of all different personality types.

ESFJs are likely to have well-furnished, orderly and attractive homes. They are usually excellents hosts and hostesses, and enjoy throwing parties and having a good time. They like to feel as if they belong to traditions and institutions, and are likely to have a relatively large group of people which they include in their social circles.

Careers for ESFJ Personality Types

Whether you're a young adult trying to find your place in the world, or a not-so-young adult trying to find out if you're moving along the right path, it's important to understand yourself and the personality traits which will impact your likeliness to succeed or fail at various careers. It's equally important to understand what is really important to you. When armed with an understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, and an awareness of what you truly value, you are in an excellent position to pick a career which you will find rewarding.

ESFJs generally have the following traits:

• Organized
• Loyal
• Can be depended on to follow things through to completion
• Enjoy creating order, structure and schedules
• Enjoy interacting with people
• Warm-hearted and sympathetic
• Tend to put others' needs above their own
• Very good at giving practical care
• Very cooperative, good team members
• Practical and down-to-earth
• Value peaceful living and security
• Enjoy variety, but work well with routine tasks
• Need approval from others
• Receive satisfaction from giving to others
• Live in the here and now - dislike theorizing about the future

The ESFJ has two primary traits which will help define their best career direction: 1) they are extremely organized and enjoy creating order, and 2) much of their self-satisfaction is gotten through giving and helping others. Accordingly, they will do well at tasks which involve creating or maintaining order and structure, and they will be happiest when they are serving others.

The following list of professions is built on our impressions of careers which would be especially suitable for an ESFJ. It is meant to be a starting place, rather than an exhaustive list. There are no guarantees that any or all of the careers listed here would be appropriate for you, or that your best career match is among those listed.

Possible Career Paths for the ESFJ:

• Home Economics
• Nursing
• Teaching
• Administrators
• Child Care
• Family Practice Physician
• Clergy or other religious work
• Office Managers
• Counselors / Social Work
• Bookkeeping / Accounting
• Administrative Assistants